Change is the Only Constant

For better or worse, my life has been drastically changing lately.  As many know, after a year of marriage Austin and I found out that I was pregnant.  This was a bitter sweet moment for us.  We knew that we wanted children one day but this was not at all the right time in our lives or marriage.  Without going into too much detail, our marriage and finances among other things were very rocky and on the brink of disaster.  As my belly grew, so did my concerns about how we were going to raise a child together in our current situation.

On the day of my 20 week ultrasound, feelings about the pregnancy seemed to make an about face for the both of us.  The baby on the ultrasound was no longer just a little unrecognizable spot.  It was a little baby with a heartbeat and more than that...it was a girl.  Suddenly everything seemed so much more real for the both of us.  Soon after, we fell in love with the name Molly and settled on that name.

In December, it became clear that we needed to separate.  I finished my finals at Texas State and with only a couple weeks until Christmas, I moved back into my parents house along with our dog, Theo.  This was a very difficult decision for me to make, but we agreed that it was the best thing for us at this time.

I feel very blessed to have the parents that I do.  They are incredibly understanding and supportive.  Though moving back home takes some patience and flexibility for all involved, I am incredibly lucky because this gives me the opportunity to finish school and stay home with Molly once she is born.

Things are still very much up in the air for Austin and I.  There are a lot of things that we both need to sort through before we know where we are headed.  What we do know is that despite being separated and possibly divorced in the future we are still a family and we still have a daughter to raise together.  Austin has expressed his desire to be in Molly's life above all else and I think that Molly is lucky to have him for a father.  For the time being we are about 3 hours apart and this will be one of the many obstacles we will have to overcome but I am confident that this will just make us both stronger in the end.

This past Monday marked the beginning of my 8th month of pregnancy!  That means there are only 8 weeks left until her due date, which for anyone who doesn't know is April 4.  Things are completely different now from that day I first had a positive pregnancy test.  We may not be together anymore but we are very excited for her arrival and what parenthood holds for us.

Through all of this, I am learning a lot about myself.  I have learned that I am a lot stronger than I gave myself credit for.  I am more flexible than I ever imagined possible.  I am resilient and can handle anything that life throws at me.  And I have also learned that though life needs a plan and direction, I can't assume that everything will go the way I planned.  This last one is a biggie for me. I NEVER would have thought that this would be happening but it is and it is my life and I can't just crumble and cry about it.  I have to adapt and move on and I will be stronger for it in the end.  I know that all of these lessons will help me immensely as I journey into motherhood and I hope to instill these life lessons into my daughter and shape her into a strong and independent woman.

I have several goals for starting this blog.  Mostly I want it to be a place for me to keep far away family and friends updated on the pregnancy and eventually on Molly without inundating Facebook.  Secondly, I want it to be a place for me to post about recipes I like, projects I'm working on, or just random things about adjusting to my new life.  I would also like to see this blog be an inspiration for me to improve on my photography.  Blogs need photos, especially ones of cute babies and I have a great camera my parents gave me a few years ago that I need to be making better use of and I will have the cutest model arriving in a couple months!

I am very excited for what the future holds and I am looking forward to documenting it and being able to look back on my life and see what I have achieved in that time.  I know this has been somewhat of a wordy post and I'm sure they won't all be like this.  My life is busy and only getting busier with Molly on the way but I know a lot of people still didn't know what was going on and I wanted to update everyone.  Hopefully future posts will contain a lot more pictures.  The nursery is almost finished and I promise to post those pictures soon along with some "belly" pictures (not creepy ones) because there are a lot of people who haven't seen me.  Feel free to leave me comments! This is about connecting with people after all!

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I would like to insert a disclaimer and say that a lot happens in a marriage that no one on the outside can truly understand as much as they may try.  I know a lot of people have strong feelings about what happened and is happening between us.  However, I do not want for this blog to be a place of blame.  Yes, there are a lot of hurt feelings and pain but we are trying to work through them and we are doing that in the best way we know possible.  We don't know what our future together looks like but what we do know is that we are going to have a beautiful daughter together who will be loved more than anything in the world and that we are very lucky to have her.